honestly my life rn is basically that gif where the dude is like “OH SHIT!” and the gif starts content aware scaling and then it just stops and goes back to normal and hes like “i’m okay”
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”
we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Conversely, in my old job I rarely answered outside calls so was only used to picking up to colleagues in random ways. So one day while fixing something at a different desk I answered what I thought was an internal call with “how do, I have usurped admin” only to realise it was external and a board member on the line. The CEO banned me from the phones while trying not to laugh.
I lost it a couple of times on this.
I still answered phones with the name of a bookstore sometimes for a couple of years after I no longer worked there.
Yeah, okay, I’ll contribute to this one.
I used to work in the housekeeping department at an assisted living facility. One day while doing my weekly cleaning on the locked unit, one of the resident aides approached me and asked me to show her how to refill bottles of cleaner using the chemical dispensers in the utility closet. I gladly obliged, and she thanked me. Apparently my brain hadn’t quite decided whether I wanted to say “you’re welcome” or “no problem”, because instead of either of those, what came out was a cheerful and enthusiastic “Your problem!” I didn’t even bother correcting myself. I just stood there for a few seconds with my mouth hanging open and then walked away with what little remained of my dignity. It was Monday.
I’ve worked a number of retail and call center jobs (including one where I would help run the front office then go help take actual data entry calls in the middle of my day, which screwed me up a lot), but one story in particular jumps out at me for this.
I went to McDonald’s, the lady greeted me, and I responded with “Thank you for calling Integrated Alliance, my name is Lana, how can I–? Nope, nope, that’s not what I’m supposed to say here.” The drive thru lady and I had a good laugh over it, at least.
I’ve worked with horses for the past ten years or so, and every now and then I catch myself making clicking noises to pets, people, and inanimate objects to make them move. Most often it’s dogs or shopping carts.
1. “You’re the one who wanted to win, but I just wanted a sister!” -Nebula, GOTG 2
2. “It broke my heart to put that tumour in her head” -Ego, GOTG 2
3. “I never wanted the throne, I only wanted to be your equal.” -Loki, Thor
4. “Who the Hell is Bucky?” -Bucky, Captain America: The Winter Soldier
5. “He might have been your father, but he wasn’t your daddy.” -Yondu, GOTG 2
6. “I love you, my sons.” -Odin, Thor: Ragnarok
7. “I thought the world of you Loki, I thought we would fight side by side forever.” -Thor, Thor: ragnarok
8.“You didn’t see that coming…” -Pietro, Avengers: Age Of Ultron
9. “If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it.” -Tony, Spiderman: Homecoming
10. “I’m with you till the end of the line.” -Bucky, Captain America: The First Avenger & -Steve, Captain America: The Winter Soldier
11. “You can’t kill him (the hulk), believe me, I’ve tried.” -Bruce, The Avengers
12. “So I am no more than another stolen relic? You could have told me from the beginning. Why didn’t you? Because I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?” -Loki, Thor
13. “We are Groot.” -Groot, GOTG
14. “I had a date.” -Steve, Captain America: The First Avenger
Felt bad for breaking some of your hearts with the ‘Marvel lines that make my heart shatter’ post so here’s a more positive post to heal them! Here’s a collection of some of my favourite lines/scenes which make me laugh/just happy in general:
1. “Your saviour is here!” -Loki, Thor: Ragnarok
2. “You said it yourself bitch. We’re the guardians of the galaxy.” -Starlord, GOTG
3. “What were you the god of again?” -Hela, Thor: Ragnarok
4. “We’re still friends, right?” “Depends how hard you hit me.” Clint & Natasha, Captain America: Civil War
5. “The city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense.”-Clint, Avengers: Age of Ultron
6. “Underoos!” -Tony, Captain America: Civil War
7. “Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.” -Drax, Guardians of the Galaxy
8. “Can you move your seat back?” “No” -Bucky and Sam, Captain America: Civil War
9. “If you step out that door, you’re an Avenger.” -Clint, Avengers: Age of Ultron
10. “On your left.” -Steve, Captain America: The Winter Soldier
11. “…He’s adopted.” -Thor, The Avengers
12. “Hey, fellas, either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I’m here to pick up a fossil.” -Natasha,Captain America: The Winter Soldier
13. “I need a horse!” “We don’t have horses, just dogs, and cats, and birds.” “Then give me one of those large enough to ride.” -Thor and a store clerk,Thor
14. “You had to ask.” -Steve, Avengers: Age of Ultron
15. “When do we start?” -Loki, Thor: The Dark World
16. “…Only to discover what true power is.” “Well, let me know If true power wants a magazine or something.” -Loki & Fury, The Avengers
